A Moment Of Weakness.

Movies we promised we'd watch,

Premiered and then got shuffled away,
Our dreams and all the thing we sought,
Made us postpone our friendship to another day.

We promise to meet - over and over,
But it's either you are busy or I,
And as we get older and older,
We don't notice how many moments have passed us by.

"The JingBang is forever" we tend to say,
But how much of this rings true?
Is the JingBang now the price we have to pay,
For success, wealth and mere things we have to do?

I stand alone now,
without the three of you around me,
I seem to have survived somehow,
But does this mean I should let this situation be?

Jo - you are the ear to all my sorrows,
The laughter that resonates within,
All my stuff you seem to borrow,
You give me strength when mine starts growing thin.

Rish - my friend for a decade and more,
Through the countries and debate you soar,
My Biatch and partner-in-crime,
If only you had more time.

Shan - you are the one I most neglect,
And yet you are always there when I want to reflect,
You tend to be harsh in order to be kind,
In you, the cold hard truth I seem to always find.

My friends, my sisters, my JingBang,
The mirrors that reflect my inner soul,
On a single thread our friendship now seems to hang,
Has distance and obligations really taken a toll?

Copyright Tengku Sheril Amirah Bustaman
12.22am, 2nd December 2009,
1A-04-01, Kolej Mawar.

So hard with my girls not around me - Miley Cyrus

Surpressed.

Honestly,

I thought that leaving High School would tear me away from the tyranny of "popular" people.
I thought university would be a place in which I could grow to the best of my ability and express myself and nurture my talents.

That's not how it works people.

Whoever who tells you going to university will give you the opportunity to be the best that you can be, let me tell you this:

That, is a Lie.

a BIG FAT LIE generated to encourage to please kill yourselves during SPM and get good results.

When you return to university,
you still return to the realm of hierarchy in which the person with the best hair or the worst attention-seeking attitude (which it somewhat favoured, God only knows why) gets to win all.

You,
the person who can do work, who would kill yourself over your assignments, projects, quizzes and everything else,

the person whom outside of your university have done so many remarkable things that some people only dream of doing, who was elected Ass. Stage Manager at the age of 16, co-directed a play, wrote scripts and starred in one of your school's biggest productions in history,

...mean nothing.
Yes, absolutely nothing.

You are just some NORMAL, mediocre GIRL who is not even liked by most of the people in the course, because you speak the LANGUAGE in which the course is about half of your life and because you have a sense of individuality and you are not like everybody else (yes, that's a CRIME by the way, having a personality is WRONG)

Suck it up gal.
You got 13 weeks of this crap left.

Semester 2 is NOT going well for me.

Hot sweat and blurry eyes - Boys Like Girls

Not Bad At All.

The semester break that I was so looking forward to, is now almost over.
In two days (yes, only two) I will begin my 2nd semester as an Asasian.

So before I return to my life in Shah Alam,
let me show you what I managed to achieve in my first semester.

(click to enlarge)

Summarized,
my results are as follows:

3As (College Writing, College Reading and Malaysian Studies)
2A-s (Islamic Studies [whaaat?] and Grammar [again, whaaaaaaaaaaat!?])
2B+s (Listening&Speaking and College Study Skills)
1B (Computer Literacy)

My CGPA?

3.65

To say that I am satisfied would be an understatement.
I am beyond happy and utterly grateful.

All the blood, sweat and tears (and hell, were there lots) actually paid off.

Honestly,
I didn't even expect to get a 3-pointer this sem.
A 3-pointer was all I was aiming for.
So this is beyond fantastic, to me.

Even so,
I wouldn't have been able to survive this whole semester on my own.

So, a big Thank You to:

My Mom
: for listening to all my complaints about my workload
: for buying me anything I needed/wanted
: for calling me to tell me to relax when she herself was panicked.

My Dad
: for loaning me books
: for giving me advice and definitions via SMS
: for being only a phone call away.

The JingBang
- Jo
- Rish
- Shan
: for telling me to screw anybody who tells me I'm incapable of something
: for giving a damn despite all our busy schedules
: for keeping in touch, via Facebook, Starbucks and dinners.
: for making me laugh when all I felt like doing was cry
: for keeping me real.

The Lecturers
- Miss Afni
- Miss Sally
- Miss Elia
- Mdm Vovi
- Mdm Mashita
- Pn Nazeera
- Miss Azy
- Mr Faiez
: for the guidance and advice you've given me
: for the help you provided with assignments
: for inspiring me to become a better student
: for making me believe that fine educators still exist

The TESLians
- Erica
- Adelin
- Akmal
- Aaron
: for staying up with me till weird hours of the night finishing assignments and studying.
: for chilling out with me during the most stressful moments of our lives.
: for putting up with my bitch fits
: for late night dinners and staying back at Faculty.
: for telling me I was going to get a 3-pointer when I myself didn't believe I could.

The Seniors
- Zac
- Fie
- Ira
- Dydy
: for teaching me things I would've never known otherwise.
: for giving me pointers during assignments and quizzes.
: for helping me improve my presentations.
: for being around to show me that it CAN be done.

The Mawar Mates
- Rao
- Kak Maryam
- Farishah
: for enduring my "5 minutes" routine every morning.
: for staying up with me even when you didn't need to.
: for waking me up for classes.
: for making me late night suppers.
: for following me to the toilet at 3am in the morning.

I couldn't have done it without you.



I am now ready to charge into next semester and to kill myself all over again. :)

I'll follow you where you're leading to the first taste of freedom - Gloriana

Hidup Jingbang!

The Fates have it in for the JingBang.

They think we are too awesome to be put together all the time, as the havoc we cause and the happiness we feel is too much and way too unfair to the rest of the world.

Hence why after high school,
they only let us meet occasionally and cause so much havoc that it resonates in the places we have been (Starbucks in Amcorp Mall, Chilli's in Mid Valley).

That is the only reason my brain can think of for this obvious separation in our lives.

I have to head back to Shah Alam for my second semester of Asasi TESL.
Jo is going to Langkawi for a month for her clinical duties.
Shannya is working in Jaya, which means she is the only one in Central PJ.
Arisha is literally going to be all over the place once World Debate starts.

The world along with all our obligations are sucking us from each other.

No matter.

Sometime in December (omg, that sounds so far away), we will all be together again.
And I know for a fact it will feel the same like the last time we were together,
because only the JingBang can dig deep within me and wrench the real hardcore Sheril outta me.

That's what you call good friends.

we've come too far for you to feel alone - Destiny's Child

Tomorrow Never Came.

I honestly thought I had this blog post all planned out, but now that I am actually sitting down to write it, I realize I don't even know where to begin.

There are too many emotions involved, so I'm just going to start with the cold hard fact.

My godfather, Mr.David Palan, departed this world at 9.22am, Thursday,
22nd October 2009.


He was 51 years old.

Funnily enough,
after the initial crying at the hospital, all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball with my grief and just sleep (and if not for the sake of my godmother and the support I got from Fran, Shannya and Jo at that very moment, I probably would have.)

I cried in intervals, at burst of moments...
When I saw his side of the bed,
His drawer,
The Mitch Albom books I recommended to him (that he read and loved),
His picture that I picked.

I cried during the services they had at the wake,
when memories of him flooded back to me,
the times we had,
the dinners we ate,
the things we joked and laughed about.

But all in all I was collected, composed. I managed to still laugh somewhat, even though my laugh sounded hollow to my own ears.

I dreaded writing the eulogy that I was supposed to have written a long time ago.
How do I express with mere words how much this man meant to me?
I hesitated, used the Blankspace button alot.
But I wrote it anyway.

At the funeral service on Sunday,
I managed to will my vocal chords to work and to deliver my eulogy,
but halfway through I switched to just choking the words out instead.
I ran back to my seat right after, and cried.

But still.
It wasn't till we were at the crematorium,
and they pushed him and the fire alighted,
licking the coffin with him in it,
right before my eyes, that it finally hit me.

He was gone.

Never again will I hear his laughter resonate in my ear,
or his reproving tsk that scared many children,
or his jokes, cynical and lined with sarcasm.

Never again will he reprimand me for messing things up,
or tell me he loved me,
or tell me he was proud of me.

Never again.

I know his memory lives on within me.
I know he isn't really gone unless I forget him.

I know.
But it still doesn't help.

It is so easy to fool myself into believing that I am feeling better about it already.
It's truly amazing how much your friends can deviate your pain and make you laugh.
It's remarkable how you find people whom though not blood related to you, are family.

But when I'm alone,
In the dark,
I can't hide behind the laughter and the warmth that my family and friends provide me.
I can't ignore the truth that is pulsating within me,
threatening to burst forth at any moment and swallow me into it's dark abyss.

He was the father that I looked like.
The man who had pictures of my godmother and I papered all over his office.
The man who had a baby photo of me on his desk.
Who had a picture of me as his phone wallpaper.
Who bought me my first original watch.
Who ate the olives in my fish soup because I hated them.
Who called me his only daughter.
Who was proud of me.

When I'm alone:

I can't deny the fact that it broke me to lose him.

Is the love I gave her in the past gonna be enough to last? - Ronan Keating

How To Behave In A Goddamn Cinema.

Jo, KBB and I met up for The Private Lives of Pippa Lee, lunch and Starbucks on Friday.

(from Google Images)

The cinema hall that we were in obviously wasn't crowded on a weekday, but there was a group of girls sitting next to us in the same row. At first we didn't mind, being high on the fact that we were meeting each other after so long...but as the movie got better, these girls revealed themselves to be what the Malays would call gedik, which would translate in English as "blonde, girly" and in Sheril as "plain bloody annoying".

Because the movie was actually really interesting, with a star-studded cast and an incredibly written script, I couldn't help but feel really bloody annoyed when these girls were texting, talking (loudly), and giggling right next to me.

After a while,
I made a very in-discreet "SHHH!".
No effect.

I tried to ignore the noise (that was getting progressively LOUDER) when Jo gave a less discreet "SHHHH!".

Again,
NO EFFECT.

Just as I was about to turn to tell them to Shut The Friggin Hell Up,
Suddenly,
there was a shriek, and a POPCORN FIGHT broke out.
Right in the middle of a movie.
In The Cinema.
...and whoever threw the popcorn had very bad aim,
because it hit ME!

I was halfway through taking off my high heel to knock someone with when the KBB leaned over and very loudly said "OY. Berapa umur ah!?"

The Gedik gang was subdued,
but only for a little while.

>.<" So this is a message to said girls (and people like them) on behalf of Jo, KBB and the rest of civilised society: If you intend on going out in public, please act with a certain sense of decorum and not like the monkeys that just got released from the animal testing centres that you are. It is embarrassing not only to you, your parents and the rest of your kin but it is also an utter annoyance to the rest of human kind, particularly to those around you at the time.

In case you are really as ill-educated as you portray yourself to be and you do not know how to act in a cinema, let me be kind and teach you right now, how the whole process goes, so you will not cause yourself further embarrassment and save the rest of the innocent cinema-goers the grief and annoyance that is you.

First of all: The Cinema is a place that you watch a movie in,
not to discuss the meanings of your male interests or anything else (except maybe the movie that you are watching at that moment, as remarks about the movie is allowed.)

Secondly:
The Condiments, such as popcorn is solely meant to be munched on and/or shared with your friends (in their mouths, not their cleavages.)
Not to be thrown around and wasted like the education you have received.

Finally, a reminder:

No one else is interested in anything you have to say, discuss, exclaim or re-act to in the cinema.
We are there to watch the movie. Not to listen to you gab about whatever the hell you are gabbing about. So you are highly encouraged, nay, obliged to keep all your issues to yourselves or take them to a coffee shop for further discussion and analysis.

If you choose to still be ignorant to the knowledge I have just imparted onto you,
then you should not begrudge me if you should encounter me, or my cohorts again and find a high heel (or a battery) shoved very far up that non-existent posterior of yours.

Trust me,
we are not people to be reckoned with as we do not have much patience or tolerance for people like you.

I'm glad we've come to an understanding.

Shut up and put your money where your mouth is. - Katy Perry

Temporary Freedom

"CAN YOU PLEASE UPDATE YOUR BLOG!?"
- Jo Antonio Buckwheat, via MSN

My first semester as an Asasian is officially over.
=)

I have 6 weeks all to myself and big plans, yes...big big plans, that involve:

1) Severe JingBang-ing.
2) Going out with Akmal The Sayang
3) Going out with Lelaki
4) Getting my driver's license
5) Preparation for Alexander the Musical - Stage Manager must not slack.
6) Seeing more of my family
7) Reading the books I started but never got to finish
8) Catch up with my high school teachers
9) Make more videos

and...most importantly...

10) catch up on some SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!

will update more later,
cannot form coherent sentences!

Our love's the perfect crime - All-American Rejects